3 Ways I Spend Quality Time With Multiple Kids as a Rare Disease Caregiver

My 3 children are nothing alike.

My oldest is a sweet and laid-back growing boy who is medically complex and living with a rare disease. My middle is a high-energy, intelligent boy and my youngest is a sassy little girl who just wants to be at my feet all day.

I often felt guilty for not giving each the one-on-one time they deserve, so I committed to finding something that worked. It's not always easy, but I do my best. As the kids get older, I am learning that sometimes, the only way to get things done is to include the kids.

Below are 3 things that have worked wonders for my mental health lately and also helped me ease the guilt of not having the one-on-one time I dream of having with each of my kids.

1. I rotate my attention among the kids

At one point, I would cry every night after putting my kids to bed. I felt constant guilt that I wasn't giving my kids one-on-one time with me that they deserved. Hardly ever having any help with my kids, I was often short-tempered and overstimulated.

After a good chunk of time, I decided it was time to make a change. For whatever reason, a rotation schedule had never crossed my mind before. It seems simple, but it's not. A lot goes into getting kids situated for just a short period. However, since shifting to this method, I have felt so much relief. I eliminated the guilt that once consumed me and I built a stronger bond with each of my children by making them feel special in the time they get with me by themselves.

What a rotation schedule looks like with my family

If I am spending time with my oldest, you can almost always find us watching a YouTube video, rolling a ball back and forth, or practicing activities to improve his hand coordination. This often happens while my other 2 kids are in another room so I get about 15 to 20 minutes, if lucky. But the entire time, my son smiles and enjoys the time he gets with me alone. When his time is up, I situate him with a YouTube video he enjoys and I rotate to the other 2.

I follow the same routine, setting one up with an activity and then hanging out with the other. I get about 15 minutes before another child is either crying or demanding my attention, forcing me to situate everyone once again and rotate to the last child. Activities vary amongst my younger 2, but I always find something I know they will enjoy. Making sure they are happy is what matters.

Don’t forget about yourself

After everyone has had their time, I encourage independence. I let them each pick an activity they want to do. Most of the time, my oldest wants to continue listening to music. Sometimes, he will go into his activity chair and play the piano. He can't tell me exactly what he wants, but his eye gaze and expressions help me know I am setting him up with something that will make him happy.

Once everyone is situated, I let them know mommy needs her time, and I take a 15-minute break for myself. This allows me to regroup and prepare for the next round of chaos.

2. I encourage teamwork

In our house, responsibility is huge. I have high expectations for my kids. I expect them to clean up their rooms once per day, put their clothes in the laundry basket, and clean up after themselves. Making things fun has been the best way to engage my children in these activities.

Turning chores into games

How many crumbs can you vacuum? Can you throw the laundry into the basket while walking backwards? How many toys can you clean up before the timer goes off?

Making activities fun allows me to have a clean house (yes, I am one of those!), spend time with my kids playing, and teach my kids responsibility in a positive way. Even my oldest, who requires assistance with almost everything, has started to find activities like this enjoyable. Things often take us longer, but we use hand-over-hand instruction to set expectations and encouragement from his siblings keeps him motivated. Now, he brings us the broom when it's time to sweep and helps us suck things up with the vacuum hose. Everything can be fun if you make it fun!

3. I end each day with family time

Quality time with my 3 children has become my favorite part of the night. It gives us time with each other to strengthen our family unit and create memories – big and small – with no distractions. We engage in daily family time through nightly movies, board games, or a story.

My oldest is often on my lap being guided through the activity with hand-over-hand instruction, and sometimes, a whole lot of crying. However, over time, he has shown more interest in being actively involved. Our consistency and routine have helped us get to where we are. But just like other medically complex kids, we have many setbacks that come at random, forcing us to start the routine over. To me and my kids, the in-home memories often bring the best of times. I hope someday I can give my kids more than I do now but I make sure they know that fun doesn't have to cost money.

Be kind to yourself

It's important to know that giving 100 percent each day is impossible. Some days, you have to focus on what is essential and accept imperfection. Having a family and fulfilling daily responsibilities is a job in itself. I am still learning to accept this.

How do you manage responsibilities and ensure you are spending time with each of your kids? Comment with any suggestions below. I need all the ideas!