Balancing Work and Caregiving: Parenting Kids With Special Needs

Every morning, I wake up with a familiar sense of déjà vu as I feel like I have barely closed my eyes before it's time to wake up and do it all over again. This cycle of exhaustion is something that I feel more so now than ever since returning to work full-time outside of the house. I did freelance work for 7 years.

I am a mom of 3 genuinely amazing kids, and I want nothing but the best for them. My oldest son has an ultra-rare disease that requires me to be a constant advocate for his care. My middle child is a high-functioning, energetic, but loving boy who often needs constant redirection, and my youngest child is a typical two-year-old who adores her brothers and wants to do everything they do.

Challenges in balancing working and caregiving

Returning to work while raising 3 children has brought unique challenges into my life, resulting in struggles I often could not relate to others.

As a mother, my instinct is to prioritize the well-being of my children. However, that has often clashed with either the demands of a caregiver for a medically complex child or my job outside the home.

Since returning to work, I overwhelmingly feel guilty, torn between my desire to increase our household's income and the need to care for not only my medically complex child's needs but my others' too. I often question:

• Am I wrong for returning to work?
• Can our family get by on just one income?

I wanted more for us, so I returned to work. However, this often results in managing multiple schedules, appointments, and routines, leaving little to no energy for what I seem to have lost, "myself."

Society can mess with our heads

Although society's expectations and workplace environments pressure mothers to excel at work and in caregiving roles, it is much more complicated than it seems.

The pressure put on mothers specifically often leads to feelings of inadequacy and stress, resulting in us remaining in the caregiver role when we want to be so much more.

Finances

In addition to the stress to succeed, financial considerations also play a key factor in why we do or do not return to work as mothers. Daycare is expensive. Medical care is costly. Proper support services are very expensive.

Healthcare services are getting more and more challenging to navigate. Is working to have medical coverage worth it? This is a choice that each mother makes on their own, as each situation cannot be compared.

The mental load may not be the same for moms who stay home with their children and those who choose to work, but it will always be similar. It goes far beyond the everyday tasks and, instead, the bigger picture.

Regardless of which mom you are, the constant worry, the sleepless nights spent researching, the fear of judgment from others about your child and your situation, and the constant guilt of wanting to do more are the same.

The silent battles we face as mothers

As a mom on this journey with you, I know the struggle often goes silent and unnoticed by those close to us. Most do not know the battles we face every day, and because of that, our strength is brought out through dedication to providing the best for our children.

We often do not have people to lean on who genuinely get it, only those who try. "Expert" will never be my title, but as a mom who has felt more alone than ever, I want you to know I am here to listen.

Self-care is hard to prioritize

As much as I preach self-care, I truly recognize how hard it is. I am right there with you. Prioritizing self-care, recognizing when your cup is low, and asking for help are crucial in your daily life. There will always be things happening that are unpredictable, but it is important to find comfort in those moments.

Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, advocate fiercely for your child's needs to the best of your ability, and if you do not know how, ask. All while reminding yourself that you are allowed to be human and that having and fulfilling your own needs is okay.

Are you a stay-at-home mom or working mom? What challenges do you find in your role?