What If I Hadn't Been Born With a Rare Disease?

There's a Marvel Comics series called "What If...?" It offers mind-bending scenarios about what could have happened if one little thing was different about a character.

WHAT IF...Spider-Man was bitten by a radio-active DOLPHIN?!

Or WHAT IF...the Incredible Hulk actually turned green because of...ENVY?!

I made those up, of course, but you get the idea.

Life is a series of 'what ifs'

Today, teens have clickbait. Back then, the "what ifs" were pick bait because they always got picked off the comics rack.

I bring up the series because isn't that what life is? Every once in a while, you scratch your head and think back on the zigs and zags. Fortunately for me, that kind of reflection usually results in gratitude for how things have turned out for me. I'm still kickin' around. And that's a win!

How would my life have turned out?

Still, we always wonder what could have been – for better or worse – if one thing had gone in the opposite direction. It's hard to imagine but, what if...I hadn't been born with hemophilia?

A bright future in baseball?

Despite my condition, I played farm league baseball. However, I retired as an all-star pitcher at age 10 because I was afraid of being beaned by those Little League pitchers. They had friggin' mustaches. Pitiful displays of patchy hair, but more than I'd be able to grow for close to 10 years.

If I didn't have hemophilia, would there have been a bright future in baseball for me?

Even though my build and muscle tone would suggest otherwise, I gotta wonder. Whenever I ball up a piece of garbage and fling it effortlessly into the trash can, I get the feeling that my incredible precision never got the opportunity to reach its full potential.

Heck, forget about baseball. I forgot like 2 weeks after I retired, even though I'd been playing for 3 years.

A professional boxing career?

Later in high school, I started following another sport: boxing. I loved the Rocky movies growing up. I still do, actually. The first 4, in totality, tell a way better story than any 4 consecutive Star Wars movies. That harsh bit of truth aside, without hemophilia, would I have asked my dad to take me to a gym and let me hit a heavy bag after (SPOILER ALERT!) Rocky toppled Drago on his home turf in Russia? My last name is made for a boxing ring. Decker!

Admittedly, I've seen so many fights get stopped on cuts. Not having a bleeding disorder wouldn't protect against the brutality. I've seen quite a few professional fighters psychologically crumble at the sight of their own blood. Without hemophilia, I wouldn't have the psychological advantage of not freaking out because I'd already lived out so many gory scenes.

Meh, forget about boxing.

I met the love of my life, in part thanks to my rare disease

The biggest aspect of no hemophilia involves HIV, which I contracted in the 80s via tainted blood products. Being born without hemophilia doesn't necessarily mean that I don't end up contracting HIV. Ultimately and ironically, that's the most terrifying thought of all.

I met the love of my life because, in part, I was born with hemophilia. It was our combined interest in HIV in our early 20s that introduced me to the love of my life, Gwenn. She was looking for someone with HIV. Not to spend her life with, but to educate the youth about the patient's lived experience. Together, we've been able to reach so many people as a sero-diverse couple.

It's the most meaningful work of my life.

I am thankful for my life the way it is

I'm so thankful to see the many advances in how bleeding disorders are treated. As well as how community members are living their lives. From climbing mountains to racing cars to winning bodybuilding competitions. Just people fulfilling a destiny that may have been altered – in a negative way – had they not been born with a rare disease.

What ifs are fun but I'm glad the thought of having not been born with hemophilia sounds, well, kind of boring. I've met the most wonderful people along this journey, which has taught me so much about empathy, patience and myself.

So, in closing, there's no what ifs about it. I'm very thankful for my bloody life!