The Overflowing Cup: Childhood Trauma and Mental Health

Recently, I tried a new form of therapy: hypnotherapy. 

After 5 and a half years of counseling, I decided that while it was incredibly helpful, I also needed another form of therapy on top of it. Counseling alone wasn't doing enough to stop living in fight or flight mode, or stop the constant feeling of unworthiness. A beautiful friend of mine suggested seeing her hypnotherapist; it was a game changer.

My tumultuous childhood and an undiagnosed rare disease

You see, I grew up with instability. As a child, I moved around a lot. I experienced abuse and abandonment. I wasn't diagnosed with hyper IgE syndrome until later, which is another story.

Growing up, I had all the typical symptoms of hyper IgE syndrome, but parts of the illness could be hidden by trauma and mental health diagnoses. I have also been diagnosed with ADHD, along with depression, anxiety, and PTSD as an adult.

Within a couple of years, I went from knowing I had eczema to everything listed above. I felt cheated. Had I known about any of my diagnoses as a child, I could have had it much easier.

Always on guard and on edge

Due to my childhood being traumatic and unstable, my nerves were shot and I was in constant fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode. My whole life has been spent trying to keep myself safe, being always on edge, and reading everyone's energies around me.

Imagine going to a family event with 40 plus people. It would be exhausting to try and keep a feel out for anyone feeling agitated or, frankly, anything but happy. I have always looked at others like they are a risk to my safety. Once I had children, I also needed to keep them safe.

The effects of fear, stress, and trauma

With a chronic, inflammatory illness such as mine, stress and trauma make inflammation worse. So, my constant state of fear was harming my body. Any life event that caused more stress upset my body more. I would eat more bread, dairy, and sugar as a way to cope, and then the cycle would continue.

Growing up with addicts, I wasn't taught self-care or coping skills. I was in a constant state of high anxiety. My pure determination is what stopped me from drinking like my parents had.

My experience with a hynotherapist

Meeting my hypnotherapist was an inquisitive experience. I am the first in my family to go through therapy at all, and this was completely out of the norm. I spent 3 hours with my therapist diving into my subconscious.

Interestingly enough, I was aware the whole time of what we were doing. I had the chance to speak to my inner children and see and sit with them. I got the chance to get on their level and explain to the younger versions of myself that I am still here fighting for them.

I had the opportunity to see flashes from my childhood that had been blocked out, and to brighten the dark rooms. My favorite part was walking the 5 younger versions of myself to a safe place as we all sat together and held hands. The calm that came over me was something I had never truly felt before.

Draining my inner cup

My therapist explained to me that every person has an inner cup. Our cup holds our stress and our trauma. In many cases, people learn to deal with their past, letting their cup drain. My cup, however, was overflowing. I had no drain holes, meaning every new trauma or major stressor just added to the huge puddle surrounding my cup.

I was in a constant state of survival. I had no way of calming myself. I also had no way for my body to calm down with my illness. Through my hypnotherapy, we sponged up the excess water and poured out the childhood trauma, leaving only some of my past. Now, my cup has a drain, and my body can relax physically, emotionally, and mentally.