Managing Overwhelm: Giving Ourselves Permission to Take a Moment

Reacting versus responding. There's a difference between them that can be ignored or forgotten.

Reacting is that gut punch reflex that tells us we must act now, not later — that hallmark of the fight or flight response that resides in the sympathetic nervous system. Learning to let go of that instinct and allow your brain to re-enter the parasympathetic nervous system, our resting state, is difficult but can be done.

When our brain and body is overwhelmed and stressed

I particularly see this challenge in myself as I continue my healing journey with medical post-traumatic stress disorder that quickly started after I began my rare disease journey.

I also see this in those around me when we're already feeling stressed or struggling physically or emotionally and face an interaction in our interpersonal relationships.

In these moments, we feel triggered by something someone else is saying or doing. Our brain and body are overloaded, but we may not feel able to walk away from the situation, or we don't know how to handle it. All we know is that it's become too much.

Recognizing the need for a pause

When we're in such situations with another person, it is okay to say that we need to take a breather, take a moment, and come back to the conversation later. Maybe we need them to sit with us right then and just be with us.

It's okay to say what we need to help us through it. It's also okay to take a moment to think about what we need because it may not be something we're even aware of yet; all we know is that we need something to be different.

Giving ourselves the same love we give others

Giving ourselves permission is part of self-love, and I think that's something we commonly struggle with as humans. I've learned in my own trauma therapy that I still struggle with self-love myself, even years after I thought I had resolved that within myself.

So many of us are so focused on fixing things or giving of ourselves to others that we forget about what WE need and that it's okay to give ourselves the same love that we would grant to another.

We forget that we don't have to always address every single thing this minute; some things can wait a moment, and it's okay to take a moment.

Why expressing our needs matters

Voicing our needs in these moments can also help others whether they're trying to support us or we have a conflict with them. How often do we assume someone else knows what we want or need without saying our specific request? How often do conflicts escalate because neither person has given themselves permission or pause to take a moment before addressing a concern?

When we give ourselves permission to say what we need in the heat of the moment, we remove all the questions, help reduce the alarm within ourselves, defuse the tension in a conflict, and so much more.

Helping myself and others

I've been diligently practicing taking moments rather than following that urge to react down into a spiral. I still struggle with it more than I'd like, and my habit of spiraling is particularly triggered when it's anything related to my rare diseases and the health issues that my rare diseases present.

However, recognizing not only my need for a moment but also the needs of others around me has helped my communication skills. I model this behavior for those in my life, and they have become better at communicating and recognizing their needs as well. It has also helped others in my life to remind me to take a moment when I forget myself.

So, please, take a moment right now and make a commitment to yourself to start the practice of allowing yourself to take moments as well. You deserve it.